that time I outed myself on a final exam

hello all,

There’s actually not a lot more to this story than the title: I took a communications class (it was a gen-ed required for graduation) and, on the final exam, answered a question by basically saying “well I have xyz opinion because I’m bisexual.”

Which may seem like an odd thing to do, but
a) it was relevant, I swear, and
b) it’s a side effect of good ol’ bisexual erasure

Since I “don’t look gay at all, are you sure you like girls?” I’m feeling the erasure heat pretty strong. I get annoyed when guys try to flirt sometimes, just due to the assumption that I’ll be into them. (Even when I am into them!) 

Basically, the “straight until proven queer” rule, while mathematically sound, is immensely annoying to those of us in the beautiful statistical outlier realm. The natural reaction? Telling everybody everywhere about where your sexual compass is pointing.

SIDE NOTE: don’t you just love people who qualify their “I don’t care if somebody’s gay…” with “…as long as they’re not obnoxious about it”? And then “being obnoxious” seems to include things like “politely mentioning a partner in passing” or “correcting someone who assumes you’re straight” or “having rainbow glitter for dandruff.”

I digress– essentially, I am often struck with the urge to come out to complete randoms.

Hairdresser asks if I’ve got a boyfriend? Coming out moment.

Acquaintance mentions accidentally watching the first 15 minutes of a movie in the “gay & lesbian” category of Netflix? Better say something quick!

Lady Gaga on the radio? I’m talking about the phrase “born this way” in a heartbeat

Communications professor covers the heterosexual dating dynamic in the course? I’m preparing my rainbow glitter dandruff!

I just get this feeling that the world will be out of phase with itself if I don’t say something. What I mean by that: everybody has slightly different perceptions of the world around them, based on the limited information available to each of us. The idea that I, or anyone else, am perceiving the world as it isn’t is incredibly distressing for me. (This is a layover from my teenage “oh shit I’m gonna die” existential crisis.)

The other reason I feel compelled to come out like this is just mundane rebellion. I resent people assuming things about me, like they have any pull on my identity at all.

Of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that I feel lucky that I feel safe enough to be able to follow through with this. At the same time, I wish that “feeling pretty safe” was something everybody could consider a given.

loud & proud,


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