Secret Obsession: The Sims

sims obsession
I started playing Sims somewhere around the fourth grade; at a friend’s sleepover, she wanted to play the game (back when it was Original Sims and babies were objects in cribs). I was totally confused. What the heck was an Aquarius? (The Sims were the first place I’d ever encountered astrology.) Why did all of my Sims’ stuff get repossessed after I deleted their mailbox?

sims 1

Very quickly after the initial confusion, I was hooked. My obsession with the Sims has been on again/off again for almost a decade… I’d play it during every available moment for two weeks, and then let it sit for six months. Rinse, repeat.

things i like about the sims

  • nothing is serious: the frequently recurring llama/aliens/grilled cheese one-offs, the ridiculous one liners on the loading screen, melodramatically absurd bios in the premade sims…it’s a treasure trove of senseless easter eggs and I love it.
  • ALL SIMS ARE BISEXUAL: Sims mostly get wishes/aspirations related to opposite gender Sims at first, but Sim Dating is basically an open playing field. If you have a lady Sim and you want to couple her with another lady Sim, then guess what: >chat >get to know >tell joke >enthuse about cats >flirt >flirt >amorous hug >get married. Woo-hoo!
    I’m not sure if it’s fair to say they’re all flat out bisexual, but they’re certainly open to (s)experimentation and it’s cute as hell.
  • making people you know: Right about the time I started playing the Sims, I had my first run in with the guy who I would consider my archnemesis until I left my hometown. He was a know it all, he knocked my books over, and later, he was two years ahead in math where I was only accelerated one year. (His mom threw a fit at the administration to get him moved up, he wasn’t actually any better at math than the rest of the honors student crowd. Bitter rant over.)
    The joke’s on him though, because my best friend and I shared a mutual hatred of him, and every time he did something especially despicable, we would make a Sim of him named Jimbo Throbbins, which was our nickname for him for when we were Talking Shit. As super mature 5th graders, Jimbo Throbbins met dozens of gruesome ends, at least until we got distracted and started our “emo ass MCR” phase in middle school.
    On the other side of this, making exact replicas of your friends/crushes/houses can also be very satisfying and adorable.
  • getting rich & famous in your pajamas: You can pretty much get a Sim to success (however you define it) in a lazy morning in bed, if you play strategically. Which is a great way to start the day, tbh.
  • the goddamn legacy challenge: This is basically what I try to do every time I play the Sims.  The “Legacy Challenge” involves trying to get your Sim family to Thrive through 10 generations; you start a few Sims, plop them in the big expensive lot so they can’t buy any shit at first, and then build everything from the ground up. (There are more rules but those are the basics.) By gen 4 they’re basically the Rockefellers in terms of moneybagsness and it gets boring and then I quit.
  • you can have all the pets you couldn’t have IRL: ’nuff said here tbh. I just want all the pets all the time but I can’t because money/time/ugh.
  • GETTING SERIOUS ABOUT THE AESTHETIC: Especially with later Sims versions + custom content, you can basically make the most cohesive, beautiful people + house combos.
    This is my recent fav Sim bb: (her twin sister is a witch and they have a cat, duh)Screenshot (48)

    Screenshot (47)

stop abusing cheat codes wtf

Ok ok I’m not gonna say all cheat codes are awful (because how upset really can any reasonable person get about a game) but that being said: FUCK CHEAT CODES.

Sometimes the “move objects” code essential for getting glitched out sims un-stuck from places, but other than that I am just bizarrely passionate and fired up about cheat codes being a total lasagna balogna move. They take the fun out of the game!! Like, I totally realize that everything in the game is fake and meaningless, but the rosebud command really pisses me off anyway. Where is the false sense of satisfaction and accomplishment if you don’t “earn” all those Simoleans? What are the consequences for playing the game like a squirrel who’s just encountered technology for the first time and is hitting random keys if you can just reset your Sims’ shitty moods?? No fuckin’ way, not on my watch.

The game is a goddamn simulation of life so get your shit together and put a lil elbow grease into it, jeez.